Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hair Envy or Why The F*CK Did I Cut My Hair?

(picture from Harper's Bazaar circa 2008)

So about a year ago (10 months to be exact), when I was working full time styling and doing photography for a sample sale website in Downtown L.A. I decided to test my limits on how far I could push my own look and cut my hair off. I didn't just cut it into a pixie cut which would have been devastating enough, oh no, that would have been WAY too easy to grow out, instead I cut the mother f*ing living shit out of my hair. Translation: My hair was mostly shaved with a cool longer part in the front that hung down or as I liked to wear it; spiked straight up on top of my head. For about three solid months I loved this look. I was cool, I was edgy, I was finally living free! Until one day, I started to really miss my hair. And when that longing hit, I was really unprepared.

For some reason I have a delayed reaction about every situation I have ever come across, whether it's monumental or what I just ordered for dinner. It must be a survival mechanism that is stuck in the on position, because I am pretty sure normal people have normal reactions in a normal time frame.

So I began the long process of growing it out. And because I had gone to such extremes, my curly hair had to grow out and fuzzy before it had any weight to start to grow down. So here I am, almost a year later, and my hair is still short. I am so sick of it, I want to just pull a Kate Gosselin and get really crappy extensions so my damn neck is warm for once. Thank God this is L.A. and nobody can make a move without a scarf on. (It must be a law or something)

Why the picture of Julia Roberts? Oh, I just wanted to be sure to give you the best visual I possibly can when I explain this to you; when my hair is long and not washed, that is pretty damn close to what it looks like. Yeah... And.I.Cut.It.Off.

I'm beginning to wonder when I'll ever learn.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Fashionably The Best Picture of Snooki Yet

(picture courtesy of buzzfeed)

Being originally from the East Coast, I loathe everything the cast of Jersey Shore stands for. The orange skin, the bad makeup, the big hair, the slutty clothing, (and yes, I am talking to both the men and the women with that last statement), and the way that they perpetuate the already bad enough stereotype of the Italian American culture. I mean, they made admitting that you are Italian and originally from the East Coast a really tough thing to do without someone inevitably saying something stupid that refers to one of the cast members of the Jersey Shore.

Perhaps the most irritating thing about the cast of the class-less is that they will be famous for a little bit longer with Halloween fast approaching. Snooki and The Situation costumes have been selling like protein shakes at the gym and Bump-Its will see a final spike in sales one last time.

And hopefully, just maybe, after this last hurrah, they will begin to fade back into the cycle of gym, tan, laundry that they came from. The women will eventually get married and learn to cook, and fashion designers can stop cringing when one of the cast members step out in public and announce who they are wearing.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Nobody Becomes A Hipster By Accident

(picture from Buzzfeed)

While out on Saturday night I heard an amazing line that I still can't stop laughing about, "nobody becomes a hipster by accident."

It's funny because it's true. It's an actual choice to put on those ridiculous glasses, dress cooler than thou, listen to music that is whiney and annoying, and pretend that they just discovered the "retro" movement.

Listen up so called super cool youth- those non prescription glasses without lenses were in style back in the 80's and I'm pretty sure they wanted to die there, so please stop resurrecting them. Your "rebel" way of dressing is not any different from any other rebellious clothing movement throughout time. The hippies when they first showed up, the acid washed jackets (the first time around), the grunge movement...all of these were here long before, so while you are trying so hard to not be a part of a trend, you are exactly that; a trend. And in a few years you will look back just like the rest of us and say no differently than we all do; "what the hell was I thinking?"

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dressing Weird Doesn't Mean You're Fashionable

Fashion really needs to just get over itself.  Seriously.

  I think it's great if you understand the trends and how to wear them, however, wearing them all at once or perhaps participating in ones that your body is defying with every ounce of it's being, is just not cool.

I'm going to take one for the team here and describe it like this: there was a period in my life when I was- how should I put this- let's just say, not in the best shape.  And perhaps my self esteem suffered because of this, (or perhaps I was not in the best shape because of my low self esteem, but this is a chicken or the egg debate that could go on forever) anyway, I started wearing tighter clothes to show off my curves.  Back then, I couldn't bear the thought of not wearing a slim fitting body suit and denim shorts, (because that's what the hottest trend was) however, I had NO business wearing it.  It hugged me in all the wrong places, the slim belt highlighted the belly that I had grown from eating a small pizza by myself every night to soak up the pitcher of beer that I had drank, or the pot that I had smoked, but most likely both.  I was a hot mess before the term hot mess was invented.

Now I've (thankfully) learned to dress right for my body type and lifestyle.  I wear structured fabrics that nip in at the waist, a colorful scarf on a plain T-Shirt day, leggings that have some sort of slimming power because the last thing I want to do is add another ounce of anything to my legs.  See what I'm getting at here?  It's called Practical Fashion.  And from now on, that is exactly what we'll be talking about on this blog, because if I see one more picture of a girl in a floral top with a contrasting print skirt that is too small for her with those fake plastic eye glass frames and shoes that look disgusting while they pass it off as "vintage", I'm going to scream.  Vintage is beautifully kept high quality fabrics and textiles ladies, old shoes are second hand recycling. And recycling is a great thing, however if it comes with bedbugs, leave it alone.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Cigarettes And I Broke Up

(picture courtesy of cigarettes, and yes, there is such a thing)

When I realized that my longest and most successful relationship has been the one I've had with smoking, I had a long talk with myself. Well, argument really.

Cigarettes have been paramount to my life since I first stole one out of my Aunt's car at the age of 16. I once had a boyfriend tell me that he couldn't be "with someone who claimed that cigarettes were her first love." So I dumped him. Cigarettes were my first love. Period. And I knew they were going to be there for me long after he would. I used to feel sexy and beautiful (like the girl pictured above) and most importantly NOT hungry, every time I lit one.

However, at this point in my life, I have become to realize that I am actually closer to looking like this:

than anything else. Notice her fashionable earrings, and matching hat and scarf? Yeah I'm pretty sure the ghost of cigarettes future put this picture on the internet to show me my fate. I mean, how am I going to run around giving fashion advice when my fingers are about to turn yellow?

So now, I am forced to have long calming talks with myself about things; i.e. am I really hungry or do I just want to smoke? is 1:30 a.m. a good time to pace around the house and eat pretzels instead of smoking? am I really mad that the dog chewed a Q-tip or am I just pissed because I'm not smoking? The list goes on and on, but the bottom line is always the same.

What I found is that talking things out in a relationship isn't as bad as I thought...well, at least in the relationship I have with myself. (I have yet to master it in any other relationship, but hey, baby steps) I also realized that after years of kidding myself about not "really being addicted" to smoking, I was wildly, unequivocally, addicted.

I also used to think that a memoir entitled "coffee and nicotine" was appropriate when I finally sit down to write one, however, I'm going to have to rethink that.

At least I will have some more time and a few less wrinkles along the way.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Yes, You Can Bedazzle Your Vagina

(picture from Cocktail Wax in Los Angeles)

For so many reasons, I love the city in which I live. I can go to the beach in less than 4 minutes, I can see the show "Parenthood" being taped at my daughter's school, but perhaps the best thing of all is that I can now get my Vajayjay bedazzled the next time I go get a wax. What a wonderful world in which we live!

Cocktail Wax, a "unique" waxing salon, offers waxing specialties in different flavors and scents, and now the embellished wax. They can place crystals in the design of your choice on your freshly waxed "area". I'm told the design will last for at least 7 days, so if you have any important "filming" that is coming up, well, you have at least 7 days to schedule it.

And by the way, those babies are Swarovski Crystals. Hey, if you are going to bedazzle what your Mama gave you, you may as well do it right.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Fashioning Fashion at LACMA

Since I can remember, I have always had a love for the fashion from the era of the French Revolution. I may not have known what the French Revolution was at the time I was supposed to, but I sure knew that the intricate style of dress was definitely for me.

To put it simply, I'm a sucker for a structured fabric, a high neck and anything that shows off a figure without showing too much skin. This may be in part to my Connecticut upbringing, however, I doubt it. Maybe it had something to do with the stories I was always immersed in, or perhaps, a little show called "Little House on the Prairie". Who can say really?

I was fortunate enough to attend the Fashioning Fashion exhibit at LACMA this weekend and was able to take some pictures without getting thrown out.

The picture below is for those of you who complain when I tell you that Spanx is not an option, it's a necessity. Imagine wearing these undergarments instead?

Interesting and intricate sewing on these early pieces.

Nothing better than a fancy dressed man in my opinion. This outfit made me a little bit envious...

This is the "calico" pattern that they always refer to when reading literature. Honestly, I had no idea either.

Is it just me or does Burberry seem a little bit unoriginal now?

Gorgeous. The tiniest waist ever, but none the less, gorgeous dress.

After seeing these amazing, hand sewn pieces, it made me a little bit sad that even I occasionally fall victim to the mass marketed, cheap pieces that are so readily available now. This experience made me appreciate the incredible hard work and true art that fashion is, and why I fell in love with it in the first place.