Wednesday, December 29, 2010


I don't care if this jacket is last season.  I want this little leather jacket from Ted Baker.  I can just picture wearing it, just not with that hideous shirt underneath.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Welcome To Los Angeles

Yes, this is a real picture.

When trying to find parking the other day during a torrential downpour, I pulled into what I thought was a parking spot.  In  front of me was this string of signs.  I don't quite speak Los  Angeles yet, so in my primitive translation I think it means: Park on the right of this sign (lovely arrow to indicate) only from 8am-6pm except or one hour on Thursday mornings.  After that you'll get a ticket.  If you park on the left of the sign (again, arrow to indicate)  you have to have some sort of permit or it looks like permits (plural) to be exact. 

But in actuality, you will get a ticket regardless of what you do because California needs the money.  Maybe if they stopped making up ridiculous signs and paying employees to put them up they could  figure out how to fix the budget.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Paris' Holiday Collection

This is my 9 year old daughter's "Holiday Line" she told me last night as she laid the pictures out for me to look at.

 "It's red and green for the Holidays, except for blue Hanukkah dress."

Well, that explains it.

She also told me that she is "not doing any accessories with this line, only shoes."

Well,  okay then.  Guess we'll have to wait for spring to see the accessory collection...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

My Sentiments Exactly.


(picture from stumbleupon.com)

Monday, November 29, 2010

The West Has Won My Wardrobe

(image from girlstalkinsmack.com)

Growing up on the East Coast gives you an intense appreciation for structured fabric, sleek fitting coats, heels and of course, black. It's not in my nature to embrace the flowing, layer-y-ness that encompasses living on the West Coast. For the first six months I lived here, I couldn't understand the importance of a pair of Uggs when worn with a dress.

However, before that gets taken as negatively, let me explain. I now understand that the reason why the style of dress is completely different in Los Angeles. It developed out of two things; nicer weather and necessity. The fact that it is considerably sunnier does do something positive to the psyche, shaping it into a totally different disposition. When you wear black on a sunny day you can't help but feel like you are raining on someone's parade. And as far as the Uggs goes, well, one thing I have realized about L.A. is this: when you are standing in the sun you are standing in all that California is known for, the sunshine, the warmth, the happiness. When you are standing in the shade however, it's like standing on a different continent where the wind is cold and the dampness seeps into your bones. Those Uggs with the dress may look crazy, but the flowy dress is perfect for the sunshine and the boots help you to not freeze during the time you're in the shade. There is actually a method to the madness that has turned into a West Coast fashion statement.

Layers are not in my nature, however, I have learned to adapt.  I used to feel fat whenever I wore more than one layer, now I have just gotten over it.  The weather here is bi-polar.  Seriously, you can basically have all four seasons in one day. The morning is cold, (unless it's a heat wave) the afternoons are warm to hot, and as soon as the sun goes down, the evenings are cold. And as I said before, layering is not something that came naturally to me. As a matter of fact, I despised it so much when I first moved here, I found myself either sweating or freezing most of the time. I had to stop fighting it and go out and buy a more layering friendly wardrobe. This means, T-Shirts, Open Cardigans, and (God help me) lightweight scarfs. Gone are my days of choosing a black turtleneck and a coat and being done with it. Now getting dressed actually requires a lot more thought, and honestly, a lot more fun. Yeah, I said it, layering with color, is actually fun. 

Case in point, when going to pick out a √áhristmas tree, I was wearing a tank top, an open cardigan, a floral scarf, jeans and knitted Uggs.  While I was standing next to the tree we were purchasing, waiting for an attendant, my husband said, "This is your look, " as he gestured to my outfit, "you look great like that." The old me would have shot the woman wearing this outfit a nasty look and hissed under her breath, "get ahold of yourself, and take that stupid scarf off!" The L.A. Mom I have become was happy.

I think the sunshine has gotten to me.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Women Like This Exist


I know this picture isn't doing the situation I'm about to describe any justice, but you have to bear with me.

This woman was walking in front of me on the way to drop my daughter off at school this morning. She was fully dressed, (including makeup expertly applied), her outfit consisted of leggings, Uggs, a cashmere hoodie and a True Religion jean jacket. She was carrying a new Fendi bag and last year's Prada sunglasses. Her dog had on a designer jacket and her kids were decked to the 9's.

This is bad enough.

Upon striking up a conversation with her she mentioned that she actually has five children and her husband wanted to have one more. She was stunning, her body was perfect, she looked amazing, and I felt pretty ugly duckling standing on the street with my hair all crazy and my Puma sweats on. But that's not even the worst of it...As her dazzling smile is lighting up the sidewalk she says this; "I don't know, having five kids is a lot of work, but it's so much fun! I think we actually may have one more."

I immediately looked around for the hidden cameras I was sure had to be there. Having five kids is so much fun? Having the two (and a half) that I have is fun at times, but it stresses me to high hell. I find the daily task of trying to raise good, respectful children daunting and exhausting. I completely understand the parents who let their kids just do whatever because it's easier, that's just not the parenting that I practice.

And as far as getting decked out enough to have makeup expertly applied that early in the morning on top of getting five kids ready? Good for her! But unless I have somewhere to be that early, don't expect to see me walking to school with more than a headband for accessories, and that's only to hide the bedhead that I am sure to have.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Are You A Boutique or Store Stalker?

(image from blog.thoughtpick.com)

I am what I would call a Boutique Stalker. Since having a disposable income has become a pipe dream, there is no way I can go out and buy new clothes right now. This is a reality that I have accepted and adjusted to accordingly. And while I may not have hoards of money to spend on clothing, I have done a great job of finding small ways to update -$20 skinny jeans at a sample sale, a $3 AMAZING scarf at a vintage show, $8 designer bathing suit at a sample sale -and even though I am perfectly happy searching high and low for the right item at the right price, it does requires a lot of research. Well, I call it research, boutique owners may actually call it stalking.

Let me clarify: when I say stalking I am not waiting outside of boutiques for the owners to come out and shaking them down to have a sale; what I mean is, I frequent certain stores to see the new merchandise and to see if the items I had my eye on have gone on sale. By frequent I mean, go in often just to look.  I know the employees by name now, and I am sure after I leave they are probably exasperated.  Hey, times have changed and a girl still has to find a way to look good.

For example-my favorite store, Purple Poppy has some of the best and most unique pieces I have seen. I have had my eye on a certain shirt there for a while now but at $75 that's a little too far out of my justification. However, I knew that if I held out long enough, it would come down. And sure enough, on one of my stalking missions I saw it for 50% off.

The thrill of finding an amazing deal has replaced the high of shopping and paying full price. I feel like if it's still there and it's in my size and the season hasn't changed, I've earned it.

I could now give tours of Los Angeles based on which boutiques have what items at what prices. If I were at all organized, I could probably create a spreadsheet, but even I'm not that neurotic.

But trust me, if you're ever in L.A. and need to know where to find the best stuff at the best possible price, just call me. 

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Why Mom's Dress Mom-Like

 (image from mommyposh.com)

As much as I like to pretend that I am far superior fashionably to most mom's, I'm really not during the weekdays when I am in full on Mom mode.  No. I'm not rocking mom jeans or sneakers (unless they're my leopard print Puma's) with faded jeans when I'm pushing the stroller, but I'm not wearing anything particularly fabulous either.

Case in point?  I found a cute little summer dress at a sample sale that I paid $10 for. (One thing I can do is hunt out a bargain when it comes to fashion, it's a true gift) This particular dress is a royal blue halter dress and it's really cute, if not subtly sexy.  I've even worn it with heels and gone out for drinks.  So I decided that with sparkly flat sandals, it would make a great casual outfit today because we are having a heat wave.  After all, it's 90 degrees inside our un-airconditioned apartment.

Since the thought of eating while sitting in our home that is now an oven is absolutely nauseating, I decided to take the kids to their favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner.  And, let's face it, I'm dressed presentably enough to be seen in public, so why not?  I am the cool Mom today!

Until... my 2 year old throws a tantrum at the table and is wearing the milk she is supposed to be drinking and then literally lays in the salsa bowl.  After realizing that even a visit from Santa Claus himself isn't going to save this meal and allow the people around us to enjoy theirs, I quickly pay the bill and get our dinner to go...just in time for the little one to throw herself on the ground and start screaming.  This, of course, leaves me no option but to pick her up and hold her tightly to me while she is kicking and screaming, allowing all of the milk and salsa to press wonderfully into my cute little dress.  By the time we reach the car, we are both wearing her runny nose, tears and a disgusting, sweaty combination of food that should never be mixed together.  My dress is dangerously close to slipping off and what's left of it is of course, wet and disgusting.  And I finally realized in that moment, that this is EXACTLY why Mom's get so comfortable in their unattractive clothing. Who has disposable income to ruin outfit after outfit when their kids are in their terrible twos?

The trick is to dress to kill anytime you don't have kids and as soon as they hit Kindergarten, go out and buy yourself a new wardrobe, because believe me, you earned it.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Hire Me Goddammit.

(picture from jobschange.org)

When looking through my sent box the other day I realized just how many jobs I have applied for and just how many I have not even been considered for.

To tell you the truth, I used to feel like the girl in the picture above, well I still do actually, however the one below is how I feel right now after realizing just how many jobs I have applied for and not heard back from.
(picture from kawasaki.com)

The job market is humbling to say the least.

I had an employer tell me last year that even though I wasn't experienced in the field he hired me for, I was smart, therefore I could learn whatever he taught me. He showed me that I could do all of the styling, writing and the photography for a deadline driven sample sale website. I even moonlighted helping the buyers at that same job. It was fantastic, fun and I felt alive.

However the dreaded (I hate hearing this word, so I feel like a hypocrite using it) economy, got the best of my situation and here I am, freelancing.

I'm not complaining. As a freelancer, I've been pretty damn lucky. However, it still sucks to live in fear, pondering over every word or outfit I put together, knowing that there are thousands of people just like me who would love to have the opportunity that I have been given. I'm not made of stone, I think about that when I'm working sometimes and it freaks me out to the point of having to get up and do something else for a little while before I can settle down to complete an assignment.

Case in point; I was hired to write for a gourmet Rice Krispie company. The job is fun for Christsakes, and I still take all of the fun out of it by thinking about how lucky I am to have it in the first place.

Maybe I should lay off the caffeine.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hair Envy or Why The F*CK Did I Cut My Hair?

(picture from Harper's Bazaar circa 2008)

So about a year ago (10 months to be exact), when I was working full time styling and doing photography for a sample sale website in Downtown L.A. I decided to test my limits on how far I could push my own look and cut my hair off. I didn't just cut it into a pixie cut which would have been devastating enough, oh no, that would have been WAY too easy to grow out, instead I cut the mother f*ing living shit out of my hair. Translation: My hair was mostly shaved with a cool longer part in the front that hung down or as I liked to wear it; spiked straight up on top of my head. For about three solid months I loved this look. I was cool, I was edgy, I was finally living free! Until one day, I started to really miss my hair. And when that longing hit, I was really unprepared.

For some reason I have a delayed reaction about every situation I have ever come across, whether it's monumental or what I just ordered for dinner. It must be a survival mechanism that is stuck in the on position, because I am pretty sure normal people have normal reactions in a normal time frame.

So I began the long process of growing it out. And because I had gone to such extremes, my curly hair had to grow out and fuzzy before it had any weight to start to grow down. So here I am, almost a year later, and my hair is still short. I am so sick of it, I want to just pull a Kate Gosselin and get really crappy extensions so my damn neck is warm for once. Thank God this is L.A. and nobody can make a move without a scarf on. (It must be a law or something)

Why the picture of Julia Roberts? Oh, I just wanted to be sure to give you the best visual I possibly can when I explain this to you; when my hair is long and not washed, that is pretty damn close to what it looks like. Yeah... And.I.Cut.It.Off.

I'm beginning to wonder when I'll ever learn.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Fashionably The Best Picture of Snooki Yet

(picture courtesy of buzzfeed)

Being originally from the East Coast, I loathe everything the cast of Jersey Shore stands for. The orange skin, the bad makeup, the big hair, the slutty clothing, (and yes, I am talking to both the men and the women with that last statement), and the way that they perpetuate the already bad enough stereotype of the Italian American culture. I mean, they made admitting that you are Italian and originally from the East Coast a really tough thing to do without someone inevitably saying something stupid that refers to one of the cast members of the Jersey Shore.

Perhaps the most irritating thing about the cast of the class-less is that they will be famous for a little bit longer with Halloween fast approaching. Snooki and The Situation costumes have been selling like protein shakes at the gym and Bump-Its will see a final spike in sales one last time.

And hopefully, just maybe, after this last hurrah, they will begin to fade back into the cycle of gym, tan, laundry that they came from. The women will eventually get married and learn to cook, and fashion designers can stop cringing when one of the cast members step out in public and announce who they are wearing.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Nobody Becomes A Hipster By Accident

(picture from Buzzfeed)

While out on Saturday night I heard an amazing line that I still can't stop laughing about, "nobody becomes a hipster by accident."

It's funny because it's true. It's an actual choice to put on those ridiculous glasses, dress cooler than thou, listen to music that is whiney and annoying, and pretend that they just discovered the "retro" movement.

Listen up so called super cool youth- those non prescription glasses without lenses were in style back in the 80's and I'm pretty sure they wanted to die there, so please stop resurrecting them. Your "rebel" way of dressing is not any different from any other rebellious clothing movement throughout time. The hippies when they first showed up, the acid washed jackets (the first time around), the grunge movement...all of these were here long before, so while you are trying so hard to not be a part of a trend, you are exactly that; a trend. And in a few years you will look back just like the rest of us and say no differently than we all do; "what the hell was I thinking?"

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dressing Weird Doesn't Mean You're Fashionable

Fashion really needs to just get over itself.  Seriously.


  I think it's great if you understand the trends and how to wear them, however, wearing them all at once or perhaps participating in ones that your body is defying with every ounce of it's being, is just not cool.

I'm going to take one for the team here and describe it like this: there was a period in my life when I was- how should I put this- let's just say, not in the best shape.  And perhaps my self esteem suffered because of this, (or perhaps I was not in the best shape because of my low self esteem, but this is a chicken or the egg debate that could go on forever) anyway, I started wearing tighter clothes to show off my curves.  Back then, I couldn't bear the thought of not wearing a slim fitting body suit and denim shorts, (because that's what the hottest trend was) however, I had NO business wearing it.  It hugged me in all the wrong places, the slim belt highlighted the belly that I had grown from eating a small pizza by myself every night to soak up the pitcher of beer that I had drank, or the pot that I had smoked, but most likely both.  I was a hot mess before the term hot mess was invented.

Now I've (thankfully) learned to dress right for my body type and lifestyle.  I wear structured fabrics that nip in at the waist, a colorful scarf on a plain T-Shirt day, leggings that have some sort of slimming power because the last thing I want to do is add another ounce of anything to my legs.  See what I'm getting at here?  It's called Practical Fashion.  And from now on, that is exactly what we'll be talking about on this blog, because if I see one more picture of a girl in a floral top with a contrasting print skirt that is too small for her with those fake plastic eye glass frames and shoes that look disgusting while they pass it off as "vintage", I'm going to scream.  Vintage is beautifully kept high quality fabrics and textiles ladies, old shoes are second hand recycling. And recycling is a great thing, however if it comes with bedbugs, leave it alone.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Cigarettes And I Broke Up

(picture courtesy of cigarettes digest.com, and yes, there is such a thing)

When I realized that my longest and most successful relationship has been the one I've had with smoking, I had a long talk with myself. Well, argument really.

Cigarettes have been paramount to my life since I first stole one out of my Aunt's car at the age of 16. I once had a boyfriend tell me that he couldn't be "with someone who claimed that cigarettes were her first love." So I dumped him. Cigarettes were my first love. Period. And I knew they were going to be there for me long after he would. I used to feel sexy and beautiful (like the girl pictured above) and most importantly NOT hungry, every time I lit one.

However, at this point in my life, I have become to realize that I am actually closer to looking like this:

than anything else. Notice her fashionable earrings, and matching hat and scarf? Yeah I'm pretty sure the ghost of cigarettes future put this picture on the internet to show me my fate. I mean, how am I going to run around giving fashion advice when my fingers are about to turn yellow?

So now, I am forced to have long calming talks with myself about things; i.e. am I really hungry or do I just want to smoke? is 1:30 a.m. a good time to pace around the house and eat pretzels instead of smoking? am I really mad that the dog chewed a Q-tip or am I just pissed because I'm not smoking? The list goes on and on, but the bottom line is always the same.

What I found is that talking things out in a relationship isn't as bad as I thought...well, at least in the relationship I have with myself. (I have yet to master it in any other relationship, but hey, baby steps) I also realized that after years of kidding myself about not "really being addicted" to smoking, I was wildly, unequivocally, addicted.

I also used to think that a memoir entitled "coffee and nicotine" was appropriate when I finally sit down to write one, however, I'm going to have to rethink that.

At least I will have some more time and a few less wrinkles along the way.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Yes, You Can Bedazzle Your Vagina

(picture from Cocktail Wax in Los Angeles)

For so many reasons, I love the city in which I live. I can go to the beach in less than 4 minutes, I can see the show "Parenthood" being taped at my daughter's school, but perhaps the best thing of all is that I can now get my Vajayjay bedazzled the next time I go get a wax. What a wonderful world in which we live!

Cocktail Wax, a "unique" waxing salon, offers waxing specialties in different flavors and scents, and now the embellished wax. They can place crystals in the design of your choice on your freshly waxed "area". I'm told the design will last for at least 7 days, so if you have any important "filming" that is coming up, well, you have at least 7 days to schedule it.

And by the way, those babies are Swarovski Crystals. Hey, if you are going to bedazzle what your Mama gave you, you may as well do it right.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Fashioning Fashion at LACMA

Since I can remember, I have always had a love for the fashion from the era of the French Revolution. I may not have known what the French Revolution was at the time I was supposed to, but I sure knew that the intricate style of dress was definitely for me.

To put it simply, I'm a sucker for a structured fabric, a high neck and anything that shows off a figure without showing too much skin. This may be in part to my Connecticut upbringing, however, I doubt it. Maybe it had something to do with the stories I was always immersed in, or perhaps, a little show called "Little House on the Prairie". Who can say really?

I was fortunate enough to attend the Fashioning Fashion exhibit at LACMA this weekend and was able to take some pictures without getting thrown out.

The picture below is for those of you who complain when I tell you that Spanx is not an option, it's a necessity. Imagine wearing these undergarments instead?


Interesting and intricate sewing on these early pieces.

Nothing better than a fancy dressed man in my opinion. This outfit made me a little bit envious...

This is the "calico" pattern that they always refer to when reading literature. Honestly, I had no idea either.

Is it just me or does Burberry seem a little bit unoriginal now?

Gorgeous. The tiniest waist ever, but none the less, gorgeous dress.


After seeing these amazing, hand sewn pieces, it made me a little bit sad that even I occasionally fall victim to the mass marketed, cheap pieces that are so readily available now. This experience made me appreciate the incredible hard work and true art that fashion is, and why I fell in love with it in the first place.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Stuff That Paris Wears

Can't imagine where she gets her fashion sense..



Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Seriously?

Gotta Love Stumpleupon for showing me that my shoe addiction has reached it's pinnacle.









So, for those of you who know me personally, you know that I am deathly afraid of spiders.  I mean I have run screaming from a room leaving my 9 year old for dead when I have spotted what I think is a menacing spider. Am I proud of this? No.  Am I embarassed by this? Absolutely not.

That being said; for those of you who know me, I have also been known to wear some pretty outrageous outfits, (a white prom dress with white cowboy boots comes to mind), but I would NEVER I mean NEVER wear a tarantula on anything I own, much less IN anything I own.  Even if it was plastic. But in this case, that's a real spider and I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that these bad boys were in my house. 

I think the only person that could wear this and get some benefit from it would have to be a stripper, because that's a whole new level of crazy/sexy even I can't compete with. 

On a different note though, I bet the height makes your legs look really long and sexy. But I would rather wear that prom dress and cowboy boots to work than wear these shoes for one minute.

The aquarium shoes on the other hand, I would wear.

Except for the fact that the entire time I would be worried about the fish being sloshed around and I most definitely would be attacked by members of PETA (this is LA afterall) and I can't take all that drama.  So I'll leave the fish shoes to some drag queen who is obviously more glamourous and definitely braver than I am.






Sunday, April 11, 2010

Stop Subjecting Us To Your Camel Toe

While coming out of the Bagel Nosh this morning, I noticed an older couple was leaving at the same time.  They were walking in front of me and I quickly deduced that they were quite fashionable.  They dressed as if they worked in the Fashion District downtown. (No, for those of you who understand what I'm talking about, they weren't tragically hip wearing crazy shit just to stand out because they didn't get enough attention growing up, what I mean is that they were pretty damn stylish)  For example: He was wearing a blue striped shirt, dark washed jeans and beat up brown shoes and he was probably in his late 50's.  She was wearing a blue (jewel toned) sweater with leggings, knee high boots, Marc Jacobs sunglasses and a fabulous scarf with blues and golds.  She was also in her late 50's.  So far so good right? 

Here's where it takes a turn for the worst.  While checking out the top half of her outfit I was impressed, but then as I glanced downward I noticed that the sweater was shorter than it should have been.  Well, that's not entirely fair, this lady had a great body and if you can pull off leggings without your butt covered by all means do it.  It wasn't the fact that her sweater was too short that was the kicker, it was her undergarments that got to me.

If you need/like to wear a full brief, by all means do it.  Just know this: in order to pull off a full brief please make sure the panty lines do not show, and for the love of god if they happen to show, please make sure they are not squeezing your lady parts for all the world to see.



And that's what was happening around 9:30 this morning at the Bagel Nosh in Santa Monica.  Leggings were advertising a full ill-fitting brief underneath that not only put this woman's camel toe proudly for the entire population on Wishire Boulevard to view, but when she turned around they cut off her butt into four pieces and made two of them look like they were struggling to get out of an overstuffed basket. 

What the hell is going on here?  Since when did we stop looking in the mirror before leaving the house?  Ugh.  This isn't Chip N Dales ladies, the one with the biggest package doesn't get the best shift just so you know.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I Can't Help It

Maybe it's because I moved to the West Coast where it is largely more informal in their style of dress, or maybe it's because I may be getting a tad bit older in my style of dress, but the bottom line is: It's time for me to succumb to the fact that I need a pair of flats. 

I come from the school of thought that the longer your legs appear, the slimmer and sexier you appear.  This is not wrong by any stretch, but living a few blocks from the beach you tend to look ridiculous wearing 4 inch Louboutins on a walk to Whole Foods for some milk. If I lived on 5th Ave sure....but Santa Monica is no Manhattan.

So in my quest to incorporate a pair of (gasp) flats into my wardrobe I have found a few pairs that I might consider, but haven't made the leap yet.  So far these are the front runners.  Let me know what you think.

all of these were featured in Lucky Magazine this month.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I Tried Kiehls


So in this day and age of financial uncertainty, my "thing" is to find great deals.  You might think I'm cheap but the truth is; I learned a long time ago that you don't have to spend a fortune to look good.

So...while walking past a Kiehls store I decided to go inside.  I had only seen it in Neiman's and never thought twice about it.  As I was walking around the store, I noticed that the prices weren't as high as I thought.  ($25-$45 for eye cream, which is still pretty pricey, but it's eye cream for Christsakes. That is really important)

The lady that came over was very helpful when I told her I hate the wrinkles around my eyes and the fact that, despite living 18 blocks from the beach, my skin is drier than Vegas in the winter.

So she gave me some samples.  Samples!!! Holy shit I love samples.  The key is to just prick the package with a pin and they can last up to three weeks.  I'm serious.  I use this trick everytime I get a sample and I'm glad I do, because you can't tell if you really like a product until you've used it for at least a week.

That being said, she gave me a small packet of Abyssine Eye Cream, Abyssine Cream (for night repair), Ultra Facial Moisturizer and The Midnight Recovery Concentrate (featured above).  I felt like Santa Claus was real that day and ran home to try them out.

1. The first thing I tried was the Abyssine Eye Cream.  I would actually rename this to "holy mother this really works eye cream" I saw a difference the very next day in lines and wrinkles around my eyes and almost two weeks later they are barely visible.  I still use a de-puff roller in the morning, but those bad boys around my eyes are a faint memory. (remind me to replace my facebook picture!)

2. Next was the Abyssine Cream or what I would name it: A scorching sunburn in a packet.  Apparently, this is the big daddy of creams that Kiehls has to offer in terms of lizards such as myself.  When I applied this cream after washing my face I like I had just had a mild chemical peel.  There was something in it that made my skin red and itchy and my whole face felt like a sunburn. For whatever reason, I decided to try it again the next day and the same thing happened so I nixed that one completely.

3. The Midnight Recovery Serum.  This magical little oil is supposed to make you wake up with younger skin after only using two drops.  This is true.  You do wake up with younger skin; the skin of a teenager with an acne problem.  It's an oil that has a pleasant smell and does make your face feel soft and smooth, but be forewarned; I do not have acne and I never have.  I may have gotten a pimple here and there, but after three days of using this product I had 7 (7!) pimples on my face. What. The. Fuck. No thank you.  Needless to say, I am no longer using it.

I have yet to try the Ultra Facial Moisturizer on account of the fact that my second puberty isn't cleared up yet.  But once it does I will give it a try. 

But needless to say, I have found an eye cream out of all this that was definitely worth the small amount of temporary acne.

Full price you can get the Abyssine Eye Cream for $33 which isn't cheap, but a lot less than the LaMer I used to use back in the day which retails for $125.  I tried drug store brands such as Olay and Roc and I even tried eye creams from Philosophy and none came close to the results I got with Kiehls. 
So I've had a lot of fun writing about this and that, but now it's time to get down to business.  What I'm really trying to contribute with this blog is to help the real woman look good.  I'm not talking about the women who have a full time nanny and don't work (although I may be able to give you some tips) I'm talking about the woman with a full time job, (and YES being a stay at home Mom counts here, because that is an all-the-time job) and really helping out with tips on what styles work for a specific body type, where to get items for as cheap as you possibly can, and just finally being able to feel good about yourself, even if you don't have money in the bank and a kid that's screaming in the background.

Aside from the non-supportive bra, (come on ladies, rule #1 is wearing the proper undergarments but look for a full blog on that to follow) the woman above could have been me before I decided that I was worth a shit and should get to feel good about myself every once in a while.

And you know what, you should too.  So feel free to email me style questions, makeup questions and general "I really like this (blank) but don't know how to wear it" questions.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Visible Bra Straps Are Ugly. Period.




FYI: Unless you are Sara Jessica Parker playing Carrie in Sex And The City, you should not have visible bra straps.  They look trashy.  And you are not fooling anyone by wearing a bra with clear bra straps, (Who thought those slippery things were a good idea anyway?  They're like wearing a stretched out gummy worm on your shoulder and it's creepy) The nude bra is a better choice, but after seeing a woman in a pretty white dress today I originally was thinking, "Wow, she looks grea..whoah. What the?" And there they were.  Her nude bra straps were just hanging out nowhere near her dress.  If it's showing just a little bit, well, that's life and that's forgivable, but just hanging out as if you did it on purpose? Come On.  They now sell bralief for $9.99 at just about any Walgreens in the country.  Or here's an idea, where the proper bra.

Motherly Instinct?




I am still completely amazed when one of my children turns to me for comfort.  Not that I don't think children should turn to their mother when they need comforting, it's just that fact that they honestly think I would be the best person to turn to in these situations and I haven't the slightest idea why.  Other than being their mother by default, I have no training in comfort situations and I have no idea how to do it.  And honestly, half the time it breaks my heart when they are upset, and a little less than half it's kind of funny. No heartbreak or falling down is not funny, what is funny is that they honestly think that have the tools to make it all better.

Take this as an example of my maternal instinct:  While taking a walk (Lily in stroller and Paris next to me) a gigantic bee swoops down in front of me.  Since neither one of my children have been stung, I don't know if they are allergic and I'm paranoid about it.  Rationally though, I realize that a little bee sting is not the end of the world.  But, as we all know, I am not rational.

So, my maternal instinct kicks in at the moment the menacing bee approaches.  What do I do?  Well, I first push the stroller as hard as I can in front of me and let go, to put some space between Lily and the bee while I simultaneously tackle Paris to the ground.  Yes. This is a true story. And yes the 15 month old was gliding along smoothly while stood up, left Paris on the ground stunned, and went running after it.

And this is exactly why I think it's absolutely hilarious that these two kids actually find me comforting.  The only thing I have to say in my defense is that at least my over-reaction had yhe proper intentions and I didn't pull a George Castanza and push them out of the way so I could get away faster.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Young And The Stylish


So I'm walking to Whole Foods today and I notice in front of me are two very stylish young girls.  I'm talking no older than 14.  (I could tell by the complete lack of hips and cellulite).  So anyway, both girls are wearing berry colored cardigans,-ok I think- good for them- and then I noticed their entire outfits.  Girl A was wearing a vintage floral dress and gladiator sandals with studs.  Her handbag?  Fringe of course.  Girl B was wearing a vintage T-Shirt with blown out jean shorts  and wedges.  Her handbag?  Cross body of course.  My outfit? -you ask?  You may think one employed as a stylist might have one upped these young glamazons in training. Sadly, the answer is puma sweats, sneakers and a bobby pin.
FYI this picture comes from http://www.spoiledlittlemama.com/ which is apparently where a diva begins her training.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Red Valentino's New Line


I have never seen a line where I wanted every single item, including shoes and accessories until now.  I have a tear in my eye. Well played Red Valentino. Well Played.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Stuff That Paris Does




 
Because we work we have to find adequate childcare after school for the 9 year old that doesn't mean sitting in front of the TV for 3 hours until we get home.  We told Paris that she would have to pick a sport.  Paris, of course, picked hip hop dance. Ok, not the basketball I had hoped for, but this kid has her own thing going on, so we went with it. 
Now, it is important to know a couple of facts before I continue...Paris is a tow head with big blue eyes, she is tall, (think about 5ft at the age of 9) skinny and unbelievably uncoordinated.  (on the way to hip hop class she fell walking up the stairs) So the fact that she even picked something that requires coordination and rhythm is beyond me, but hey, she is her own person.
Cut to 30 minutes into her first hip hop dance lesson: Paris is successfully swirling 4 hula hoops around her hips and keeping them up. My jaw dropped. (I mean really?) Cut to 45 minutes into the first lesson: the kids are in a battle, or what I would call a dance off, and my lanky, tall, blonde, and somewhat awkward daughter gets right into the middle of dancefloor and starts breakdancing.  God bless her.
I relearned what I have always known that day; always support your kids dreams and do what you love.

Friday, February 26, 2010

New Love

I never thought anything would even come close to a Louboutin in terms of space in my heart. I have to say that even more than my torrid affair with tequila (we have since broken up) Christian Louboutin was one of the great loves of my life.



Until now. Dare I even say it? I have fallen in love with Nicholas Kirkwood. Just look at that heel...oh good lord that heel.

Oh Louboutin will always have a place in my heart and in my wardrobe, but for now I have a new lover.

Check out the spring line here: http://www.nicolaskirkwood.com/

Monday, February 22, 2010

Stuff That Paris Says

Upon having a crazy night out Friday night, I was left with a hangover of "chernobyl proportions" (hey, I'm severely out of practice).

After throwing up while taking the dogs out in the morning, Paris looks at me and says, "You should eat something, then throw up. You'll feel much better after that."

Thanks dali-9-year-old.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

This Really Did Happen or Why I Don't Drink Heavily Anymore







Because of the years I spent abusing my liver at The Palms in Vegas, I tend to shy away from events where the old me has no other choice but to resurface.

Last night seemed to erase all the years I've spent trying to rebuild and rediscover who I really am with just one little sentence, "Hey do you guys want to go to the Bar210 opening at the Beverly Hilton?"

Does a hooker lower her prices around 5am? Uh duh.

So after fighting a mass crowd of beautiful people, (well mostly women wearing cheap fabrics in the form of tight dresses that screamed "star fucker" as they walked by), we were finally inside.

My first pass through the club left me less than impressed. I admit it, I'm jaded. I lived in Vegas for Christsakes so flame throwing women (who were smoking cigarettes at the same time?) are not over the top for me.

So I'm on my way back to our table and I see someone I know. My chubby short Asian friend named Jin. I call out to him as he's walking by and he doesn't turn around. Well, it's loud in there, it's a club you know, so I screamed again "JIN!" Still nothing. Weird. So I finally catch up to him and say, "Hey!" with a huge smile on my face. He looks me up and down and says (curtly) "What." And then I realize that I have the wrong person and I just simply say, "Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were someone else." In which this man responds with a huge eyeroll, then dramatically grabs the hand of the girl he is walking around with and huffs away. "Good lord people in LA are testy" I think and I go back to my table. And during this walk back it starts to dawn on me in an increasingly uncomfortable way, like the feeling that you may have left the iron on when you left the house this morning...that wasn't Jin, that was Lloyd from Entourage. Of course it was. And now I look like the starfucker except for him I am the wrong sex and I am definitely NOT wearing cheap fabrics.

Oh this embarassment only gets better.

While trying popcorn that was infused with truffle salt and liquid nitrogen, (you literally look like you are shooting smoke out of your mouth when you are eating it) we bump into Marcel Vigneron, you know Top Chef saka-douche who now has transplanted himself into the Los Angeles Dining Scene. He and my husband worked together a few years ago so they began talking which led us into the kitchen where we were given samples of the food that he had prepared for this huge event. Honestly, it looked fantastic. The popcorn thing was really cool and he is a talented chef. He hands us a cone with some lumpy stuff inside and says it's "blah blah blah with avocados". I am no longer thinking clearly, (if I ever really do is actually debatable) so I smile, say thank you and take a bite. Again, it dawns on me that he has just said the word "avocado" and I immediately spit out the bite onto my hand. This reaction causes a still eerily calm moment in the kitchen where Marcel looks at me with his huge blue eyes and says nothing. I realize what has just happened and I begin to tell him the truth, that I am allergic to avocados and that's why I spit it out, but he turns around and gets us something else to taste instead. Apparently, the saka-douche is actually me.
During the next two hours, I get drunk, I see Corey Feldman with a crazier hairstyle than I thought possible and holding hands with a (gasp) girl wearing a cheap, short, tight, dress. I smoke what seems like thousands of cigarettes, talk to people about god knows what when a girl in a red dress with ruffles approaches me.
Her: "I saw you in the kitchen talking to Marcel"
Me: "Yeah, the food was really great"
Her: (verbatim) "Marcel is my man"
Me: (too drunk to realize what is happening) "Oh that's great good for you"
Her: "How do you know him?"
Me: (thinking, why does she seem so pissed off all the sudden?) "My husband used to work with him."
I don't have any idea what she said after that because I turned around and right at that moment and spotted Eric Cubachee (why is everyone in Hollywood so short?) of Launch My Line. I happen to be a fan of Galina Sobolev, (we sell her stuff all the time on the website I work for) so I left the "I gotta man" conversation and made a bee line for the designer.
This time, I didn't make an ass of myself, I pulled it together and had a normal, professional conversation. Afterwards I promptly grabbed my husband and high tailed it outta there before I lost the contents of my stomach in the middle of the party.
I guess you can take the girl out of Vegas but you can't take the Vegas lifestyle out of the girl. Needless to say, I am no longer interested in feeling less than adequate in a room full of people who have something to prove. I'll stick to hanging around on the beach during the day instead. Well, until Lloyd shows up.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Now That's A Cufflink


Yup, you can now display your love of pharmaceuticals on your sleeves. These pill cufflinks are definitely an attention getter, not sure about wearing them to an interview though.
The real question is are they worth $1,038.70 to you?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Stuff That Paris Says


I

'm not one of those people that talks about their kids incessantly, yeah I love them, yeah I am proud of them, but I don't wear Mom Jeans and car pool and put together little goodie bags for their classmates around the holidays. A. I don't have the time and B. I have a career outside of being a parent so essentially I am reiterating point A.


Anyway, my daughter Paris says some funny shit. Last night after explaining to me that her classroom is designing a city and electing politicians to run this fictional city she told me she is going to run for office. I asked her if she was going to run for Mayor and her response was exactly this: "No. I don't want to stand on a podium, wave my arms and make promises that I can't keep. I'll let someone else do that."


Did I mention that she is only 9?
Honestly, who cares who wore this better, it's just plain ugly. Judy Jetson wants her dress back

Monday, February 8, 2010


Is it just me or does Kate Gosselin's new do (the one on the right) look like a cross between Rod Stewart's and the shaggy dog Barkley from Sesame Street?
Charlie: Stop, Stop, shhhhh. They're trying to take our picture. Try and look sober for once.
Brooke: Whaaaaat? Picture? Where? Ohhhhhh. CHEESE!
Ummmmmm, yeah. I feel embarassed just putting this up, but what is humiliation unless it's publicly shared? You should know Levi, you're the new master at it.